By fire, by force

For crying out loud, your ribs are smiling at us. Aunty , you really have no business wearing that except there is a miraculous turn around on your chest region. Haba! You have no cleavage to flaunt and you are doing this to us. With the authority vested in this court , we hereby confiscate that dress and donate it to Cossy foundation.

Breastplate

When the word breastplate was coined, we are sure they had you in mind , because that explains why you're dressed like this in public . Honestly, you need not bare it all to be noticed. You have a well made-up face and beautiful hairdo but you marred it all when you decided to flaunt what somebody would pay so much for in the nearest future. Pay a fine of N1million.

Bouncing castle

If you regularly visit the Silverbird Galleria, let's take a quick mental picture now. Just imagine you are at the entrance, turn right and lo and behold is a huge bouncing castle for kids. With that picture still in your head, let's do some comparison. Well, for those of us living on the mainland, my jury thinks you need not go too far. Here is a good alternative to the bouncing castle. Madam for illegally exposing your castle in public you have been fined N1.5million.

High slit

Do you know the definition of what you have just done? If you don't , we will tell you. Madam, your dressing is tacky and desperate. That Third Mainland Bridge slit you have there is embarrassing and we won't look the other way. For flouting section345 of the 1990 style code, pay a fine of N2.5million.

Boobie-harness

We hate it when you let your girls loose like this, especially when you think you can intimidate us with them. It makes my jury think that you have simply run out of style ideas and this style screams CHEAP! We think this is a hot mess and you have been fined N2million.

Tubeless tyre

Why in the world would you do this to us? Your tits are tired, sad and used yet you refused to keep them tucked away. We are sure that these oranges have no roughages inside it again. Girlfriend, this is the wackiest show of cleavage we have seen in recent time. You are to remain in our custody until the next hearing.